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I knew before we started, that I was a bit psyched about this custom &8211; mainly the breath control part. While I love the whole &8220;breath control play&8221; thing, I was nervous and excited to try it using the duct tape because I knew there was less control as oppose to Martin using his hand. I struggled with the scene from the get-go was definitely pushed me to my limit from the very start of the position! Where the difficulty began, was when my crushed elbows were brought up high enough so that my wrists were at mid-level to my upper body &8211; that hurts! Then when Martin tied that rope around my torso, this is what made it hard for me to breathe. I knew right then and there, that the moment there is anything that is applied, that hinders my breathing, I&8217;ll have one hell of a hard time defeating ANY position. Then my legs were spread. Oddly enough, because my heels were so damn high, it made it harder to stand &8211; especially with my legs spread apart&8230; that also affected my balance. Once that rope was looped around my neck, the fact that I was already swaying forward and backward made me tighten the noose each time I moved and you know (or hopefully you do) that when my breathing is restricted, I love it, so yes, I was definitely turned on. When duct tape was wrapped around my gagged mouth, I hate it (but love it at the same time) because often times, when I can&8217;t breathe through my nose either because I&8217;m crying too hard or for whatever reason, I breathe through my mouth. So when my gagged mouth was taped shut, I anticipated the true suffering. Every time Martin plastered that strip of tape over my nose, my natural reaction was to panic so it took some mental focus to teach myself to pace my breathing. Obviously it didn&8217;t work well because I kept tapping out way too soon lol Very much enjoyed playing out this fantasy and would definitely do it again in different scenarios.
Date: February 19, 2023
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